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For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence
“In the following pages I shall apply the term "poisonous pedagogy" to this very complex endeavor. It will be clear from the context in question which of its many facets I am emphasizing at the moment. The specific facets can be derived directly from the preceding quotations from child-rearing manuals. These passages teach us that:
1. Adults are the masters (not the servants!) of the dependent child.
2. They determine in godlike fashion what is right and what is wrong.
3. The child is held responsible for their anger.
4. The parents must always be shielded.
5. The child's life affirming feelings pose a threat to the autocratic adult.
6. The child's will must be "broken" as soon as possible.
7. All this must happen at a very early age, so the child "won't notice" and will
therefore not be able to expose the adults.
The methods that can be used to suppress vital spontaneity in the child are: laying traps, lying, duplicity, subterfuge, manipulation, "scare" tactics, withdrawal of love, isolation, distrust, humiliating and disgracing the child, scorn, ridicule, and coercion even to the point of torture.”
Child Abuse
Trauma
Pedagogy
Child Rearing
“I had graduated from high school the week before and was now a crewmember on a Dutch ship. This was my first job aboard ship and now I found myself heading down the Hudson River, past the Statue of Liberty. There wasn’t much time for sightseeing since the dinner chimes had been rung and the few passengers we had, were coming into the dining room. No one had explained my duties but I watched the other stewards and followed suit. I must have been a fast learner since amazingly enough all went well, and before I knew it the dining room was empty and it was cleanup time. I’m certain that having worked in my uncle’s restaurants helped but I’m glad I survived without any mishaps. I knew that tomorrow would go even smoother now that I understood the routine.
When I told my parents that I was going to sea, they didn’t ask any questions and seemed to take it all for granted. Everything happened extremely fast. On the very same day that I was hired, I was on this foreign flagship bound for Le Havre and Rotterdam, without having as much as a passport. Most of the crewmembers that went on strike were left behind for U.S. Immigration to sort out, provided that they could even be rounded up. For me, it was my first seagoing adventure! Being the youngest and newest crewmember on the ship earned me a bunk four tiers up and against the bulkhead, next to the chain locker. You couldn’t get any farther forward, which made me feel that I would be the first to get to where the ship was going. I didn’t take into account that it would also be the first part of the ship that would slam into the sea or anything else that got in the way, but such was the life of a seaman.”
Coming Of Age
Biographical
Mma Captain Hank Bracker
Sea Stories
At Sea
“Rey had Begged The Vision to Reveal her parents, and 2 dark shadows had approached the mirror and merged into one figure, which matched it's hand to hers. but when the frost over the glass cleared. She saw only... herself. "i thought i'd find answers here" She said, forlorn I Was Wrong" 'I'd never felt so alone".
'you're not alone" Kylo whispered. "neither are you" She told Him, 'it isn't too late".
She held out a hand and he removed his glove and reached for her. their fingers's touched and a Tear Slipped down Rey's cheek.
just then, Luke burst through the door of her hut, Saw the Force Vision of Kylo and Yelled 'Stop"!!!”
Reylo
The Last Jedi
“Every day that we live, we must address new truths that pertain to life and death. Each incremental decade in the hayride of life incites us to address a newfangled realism. By age ten, the weepy passing of pets or grandparents, the death of sitting or past presidents, or the demise of other notable figures, obliges us to address the fact that no one including our parents and siblings will live forever. Cognition of each person’s fickle mortality spurs an awaking in our ken, which newly grasped knowledge is sure to cause a ray of resentment for humankind’s lack of immortality, especially if the people who a person cares deeply about fail to sanctify their body with nourishing and purifying habits.”
Childhood
Age
Ageing
Young Adult
Maturity
Teenager
Stages Of Life
Maturation
Stages Of Growth
Change Of Life
MY LIFE IN QUOTES
“Choosing a career to please parents, or just thinking about the financial compensation it will represent, is not enough motivation to give your best, and less will arouse a non-existent vocation. The result: a mediocre and frustrated professional!”
Carrer Choices
Pearls Before Swine
“Sorry to disappoint you, parents – but when your kids come out as gay, bi or transgender, it is not about you.”
You
Gay
Sorry
Transgender
Disappoint
It Is
When Your
Pearls Before Swine
“There's something truly disturbing about children who delight in cruelty, and who threaten to kill – and parents, teachers and adults who look the other way.”
Parents
Cruelty
Kill
Way
There S
About Children
And Adult
Who Threaten
Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man Who Would Cure the World
“The parents of some fellow students in the gifted and talented class owned a bookstore, and when he was about eleven they gave him a copy of J.R.R. Tolkien's trilogy, The Lord of the Rings. He read it all in the space of a couple of days, and immediately read it again. Then he brought the book to the public library and told the woman at the desk, „I want other books like this”. She gave him a handful of fantasy novels. He brought them back. „No, this isn't it.” That went on for a time, until finally one day the librarian – no doubt with some misgivings; the boy was only eleven years old – handed him a copy of War and Peace. „This is it!” he told the librarian about a week later. „This is just like Lord of the Rings!” Years afterward he'd say, „I mean, what could be more religious than Lord of the Rings or War and Peace?”
War And Peace
The Lord Of The Rings
Books Inside Books
“My Parents couldn't get me to stop drinking. The Police couldn't get me to stop drinking. The Courts couldn't get me to stop drinking. The threat of losing my job couldn't get me to stop drinking. My Wife couldn't get me to stop drinking. But when my eldest daughter was 5 years old and said, "Daddy, we don't like you when you drink!" That is when I stopped!”
Family
Drinking
Family Drama
Family Relationships
Sober
Alcoholism
Family Love
Drinking Alcohol
Sober Living
The Five: The Lives of Jack the Ripper's Women
“My intention in writing this book is not to hunt and name the killer. I wish instead to retrace the footsteps of five women, to consider their experiences within the context of their era, and to follow their paths through both the gloom and the light. They were worth more to us than the empty human shells we have taken them for: they were children who cried for their mothers; they were young women who fell in love; they endured childbirth and the deaths of parents; they laughed and celebrated Christmas. They argued with their siblings, they wept, they dreamed, they hurt, they enjoyed small triumphs. The courses their lives took mirrored that of so many other women of the Victorian age, and yet so singular in the way they ended. It is for them that I write this book. I do so in the hope that we may now hear their stories clearly and give back to them that which was so brutally taken away with their lives: their dignity.”
Truecrime
Anniechapman
Catherineeddowes
Elizabethstride
Jacktheripper
Jacktherippervictims
Maryannnichols
Maryjanekelly
Lighter Living: Declutter. Organize. Simplify.
“Losing the buffer zone of my parents meant I was next. I had a chance to craft a lighter finale for my future senior years. I didn’t want the final chapters of my life to be about stuff, and I didn’t want to abandon the responsibility of dealing with it myself.”
Responsibility
Aging
Stuff
Aging Well
Future Plans
End Of Life
Organizing Your Life
Lighter
Losing A Parent
Buffer Zone
And Here's the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers on their Craft and the Industry
“Interviewer (Mike Sacks): Many of the readers of this book weren't born when you started writing humor. In fact, many of the readers' grandparents hadn't yet been born. If anyone in this book is entitled to give young humor writers advice, it's you.
Irving Brecher: I would say that if you think you're funny, then do it. As long as people genuinely respond to what you produce, keep at it. If their laughs seem genuine, keep writing. And don't stop. Never stop.
On the other hand, if nobody likes what you create, well...find another profession. Like interviewing.”
Humor
Writing
Jokes
Comedy Writing
Love, Devotion, and Longing
“A positive side effect of working on the meaning of our problems is that we are forced to give up blaming. Nothing could be more beneficial to our spiritual progress. We refrain from blaming our bodies, hereditary factors, economic conditions, our partner, our parents, our upbringing, our boss or any other person. Knowing that our problems have meanings does not mean that we now blame ourselves for our miserable condition instead of other people. It means we understand that our problems are telling us something is not spiritually correct in our thinking. Without reproach or guilt, we understand that we just don’t understand enough yet. However, we are going to. That is why we are students on the spiritual path.”
Thoughts
Blame
Release
Problems
Thinking
Consciousness
Spiritual Path
Healing The Past
Metapsychiatry
Meaning Of Problems
“Youngsters who love by their own choice but marry by their parents choice do so only because they're shit scared of taking responsibility for their actions and their lives.”
Responsibility
Choice
Youngsters
Frankenstein: The 1818 Text
“There was a considerable difference between the ages of my parents, but this circumstance seemed to unite them only closer in bonds of devoted affection. There was a sense of justice in my father’s upright mind, which rendered it necessary that he should approve highly to love strongly. Perhaps during former years he had suffered from the late-discovered unworthiness of one beloved, and so was disposed to set a greater value on tried worth. There was a show of gratitude and worship in his attachment to my mother, differing wholly from the doting fondness of age, for it was inspired by reverence for her virtues, and a desire to be the means of, in some degree, recompensing her for the sorrows she had endured, but which gave inexpressible grace to his behaviour to her. Everything was made to yield to her wishes and her convenience. He strove to shelter her, as a fair exotic is sheltered by the gardener, from every rougher wind, and to surround her with all that could tend to excite pleasurable emotion in her soft and benevolent mind.”
Love
Relationship
Age Difference
Intergenerational
Age Gap
“In the way of a reflection of my family and friends I mused at the number of people that I encountered during the past 85 years. Everyone here has played an important part but there have been others, many of whom have now passed across the horizon of life, however the purpose of my reminiscing is to share happy thoughts while at the same time take a peek into the future.
I can look back to those first few glimpses of my life and find my grandmother Ohme, Gertrude Thieme standing at what I perceived to be a high kitchen counter making sandwiches using a slice of almost not eatable German black bread they called schwartsbrod. With great care she laden it with lard, blootwurst or sometimes liberwurst, topped with the half of a crusty Keiser roll. I always got the heel of the roll, with a quarter lengthwise slice of a crunchy dill pickle. It was the first and last time I remember seeing her before she returned to Germany and the war.
My sister Trudy had died a few years prior leaving a collective hole in my family. Her short life and subsequent death was devastating to my mother and father and I constantly felt the sorrow it brought into our home. My father unsuccessfully tried to make a success of a small delicatessen at 11 Nelson Avenue in Jersey City and we moved to 25 Nelson Avenue when my father started working as a chef at Lindy’s Restaurant on Broadway in Manhattan.
At home we exclusively spoke German which was a hindrance during World War II. My mother and father never lost their German accent and the only one of my family that made a real effort to speak English without an accent was my Onkle Willie. My parents refused to associate with my Onkle Walter and his wife Tante Wilma although they always treated me kindly and I sometimes talked with my cousins Klein Walter und Norma. The neighborhood treated us as NAZI outcasts until Italy entered the war on the Axis side and suddenly we all had to prove that we were patriotic. Eventually I joined the tin can army and learned enough English to be accepted. As my accent faded I truly became an American.”
Inspirational
Autobiography
Speech
World War 2
Mma Captain Hank Bracker
German Language
Monsieur Mediocre: One American Learns the High Art of Being Everyday French
“I realize now, the life of an étranger is much like being the only child of older parents who hold tons of cocktail parties. You’re embarrassed for being there and it’s obvious you stand out. You’re treated (often) like a child. You don’t know the formal codes and you’re learning on the fly. Since you assume people are feigning interest in you, you pick up tics and quick-witted dodges to make yourself more endearing or to better hide your deficiencies. And in the end, you go to your room exhausted, not really sure if you had a good time, not really sure why you were there in the first place, but content nonetheless.”
Parents
Cocktails
Learning Language
“Nicole: You're a funny looking creature.
Larfleeze: Pfft! I'm not the one without a snout!
Nicole: I can sense the empty void within you.
Larfleeze: You must mean my stomach! I haven't eaten in two hours!
Nicole: No. There is a pit inside you that you have been trying to fill for centuries. I am here to give you hope.
Larfleeze: You know where I can find my lantern?!
Nicole: Your parents are still alive. And they still miss you.
Larfleeze: They... do?”
Comics
Avarice
Green Lantern
Geoff Johns
Larfleeze
Hope Brightest Day
Love in the Afternoon
“He was fascinated by Beatrix's competence at things women were not usually competent at. She knew how to use a hammer or a plane tool. She rode better than any woman he had ever seen, and possibly better than any man. She had an original mind, an intelligence woven of recall and intuition. But the more Christopher learned about Beatrix, the more he perceived the vein of insecurity that ran deep in her. A sense of otherness that often inclined her toward solitude. He thought that perhaps it had something to do with her parents' untimely deaths, especially her mother's, which Beatrix had felt as an abandonment. And perhaps it was partly a result of the Hathaways' having been pushed into a social position they had never been prepared for. Being in the upper classes wasn't merely following a set of rules, it was a way of thinking, of carrying oneself and interacting with the world, that had to be instilled since birth. Beatrix would never acquire the sophistication of the young women who had been raised in the aristocracy.
That was one of the things he loved most about her.”
Unconventional
Insecure
Tomboy
Beatrix Hathaway
Christopher Phelan
Why I Love
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
“—I don't believe in that shit, Oscar. That's our parents' shit.
—It's ours too, he said.”
Family
Curse
Immigrant
Post Colonial
Transgenerational Trauma
An A - Z of Looney Limericks
“It was Edward Lear who created the original limerick, and is credited with A Book of Nonsense (1846). Apparently, he did this to amuse his clients’ children while they were waiting for their parents’ having portraits painted. Edward Lear was an artist first and a poet last. How strange then that we remember him mostly for limericks?
Since writing many of these little jocular verses, I have noticed a strange effect that keeps you reading: each time you read one limerick, you just cannot help reading the next, especially when they are nicely set out on a page. I am particularly proud of my lim-sagas, of which only two are contained in this book, but I consider them the best of my collection.”
Limericks
Humorous Verse
Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Realities
“An underlying question for many people is "what kind of person do you want to be" in their new expression of gender. There is a need for more diverse expressions of "manhood" and "womanhood," "girlhood" and "boyhood" for everyone in culture. Right now there is a story that to become a man or a woman you must act, talk, walk, and dress a certain way. The belief that people of certain genders have to behave in specific ways invalidates people as a whole, trans and non-trans alike.
This becomes a call for healthy gender expressions to be modeled for all children. Parents as well as other adults need to model and encourage everyone to be their best, healthiest, self. We get to move beyond our current culture that belittles girls for pursuing intellectual passions, or boys for expressing emotions; a culture that conflates masculinity with abusive behavior, and femininity with victimhood. Examining these issues creates an opportunity to craft a world where people of any gender expression to explore everything they are passionate about, engage with their emotions, and express themselves fully; a world transformed for our children to live without abuse, regardless of our path in life.”
Stereotypes
Gender Roles
2016
Free Expression
Social Health
Reflection
“She bit her lower lip, a habit the village gossip had once told her was unladylike and unattractive. Strange; all her life she'd striven to become a proper young woman, to make her family proud of her. These past few months, she'd spent doing the opposite. Trying to pass as a man, a soldier.
Her worst fear had been that she'd be caught impersonating someone who didn't exist. She never imagined she'd tell anyone of her own free will. She swallowed. "So you... you should know it's true. I'm not... Ping."
"If you're not Ping, then who are you?" Shang asked.
"I'm..." Mulan sucked in her breath. Her voice shook, and she worried her heart might burst out of its armor. She set down her sword, rubbed the sweat off her palms onto her bare arm. Then she reached for her hair and undid the knot. The black sheet of hair tumbled down, brushing just against her shoulder blades.
"My ancestors were right," she said, surprised by how calm her voice was. "My parents never had a son. There is no Ping."
She raised her eyes to meet Shang's. "There is only- Mulan.”
Confession
The Truth
Mulan
Who I Am
Mulan And Shang
Reflection
“All they could do was flutter their fans and bat their eyes. The matchmaker Mother hired bragged that they were perfect porcelain dolls. What she didn't say was they had no minds of their own." Shang grimaced at the memory without looking at her. "They'd say anything to make me like them."
How familiar that sounds
. Mulan put her hands on her hips. "Not all girls are like that. You have to look at it from their perspective, too. Girls are raised to be pretty and graceful, and
quiet
." She made a face. "They aren't allowed to speak their minds, and they don't have a choice in who they marry. My parents were lucky that they fell in love, but their marriage was arranged, too. And my mother, she doesn't even belong to her family anymore after they got married. It wasn't my mother's decision, but her family's. They told her that a woman's only role in life is to bear sons."
Shang leaned forward. "You sound quite passionate about this."
His closeness made Mulan hunch back. Remembering who she was pretending to be, she felt her cheeks burn. "I just... I mean, I bet there are some girls who'd make better soldiers than boys. If they were given the chance."
"A female soldier? That's the craziest thing I've heard."
"Girls can be strong, too."
"Not like us, Ping."
Mulan hid a smile. "You'd be surprised.”
Girl Power
Mulan
Mulan And Shang
Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love
“It's macaroni soup. Curls of pasta swim in steaming, fragrant broth, and pieces of boiled chicken are all tangled up with them, the meat nearly fallen off the bones. It's comfort food, the kind my parents brought over the ocean with them twenty-five years ago, and the kind that doesn't fit westernized Chinese restaurant menus. My mother used to make it for us for breakfast, before we got older and told her we had no time to eat in the morning if we wanted to make the school bus. For years now it's been only the occasional snack, a rare treat.
But I still like it best made with sugar, and so does my brother Lei. Only our older sister Yun asks for it this way, savory and salty.”
Preferences
Soup
Comfort Food
Chinese Food
Macaroni
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